my best medicine

Each day it seems as though there is more to think and worry about. I've always tried to be the most positive person that I can be...but these past few days have been a real struggle of sorts for me. If there is one thing that kills me, it's having things up in the air. I mean, I realize that life inevitably holds certain uncertainties, but I think there is a level at which those uncertainties are just too taxing to cope with. I'm a very goal oriented person and at any given point in time, I usually have a picture (if not a timeline!) of the next five years of my life. However, due to certain challenges beyond my control, I now don't even really have a clear picture of the next six months.

This entire week, I've tried looking at other options in the event that John will not be able to get a visa to join me here. The whole process has just been cost prohibitive, frustrating, time consuming, and stressful. I've gotten opinions about staying here, moving elsewhere, going home, etc. It's been interesting to hear what others have to say. And though I am open minded, sometimes it's hard to explain to them why I'm stressing out.

Some of them tell me that even if John can't follow, I should just stay and finish my studies. What's the next two more years of our life if we've already waited this long? Monday will be the 5th valentine's day that I'm spending away from John. I was banking that he'd be here by now...but obviously he isn't. And when I tell them that my priorities have shifted and that a three letter title after my name is not worth the best years of my marriage...they called me a hopeless romantic and an impractical fool (well, okay, maybe not that harsh, but that's what they meant). But really, I seriously believe that the first year of marriage is the formation time--when you're getting used to living with each other. It's been 6 months since we got married and of that, we've spent 1 week together. So much for formation. They keep reminding me that progress in the Philippines is slow and life is hard...but married life apart is not exactly any easier. Sigh...decisions, decisions, decisions!

Just when I thought I'd go crazy from all these thoughts running around in my head, John called me. At first I was very sad on the phone and I just could not help whining. But he has a way of reassuring me that we can handle it, that things will work out for us, and that no matter what, we'll get through it. He'd very soothing...and more importantly, humorous. After a few minutes, he had my mood completely turned around. I was so thankful for that phone call. It raised the mood bar ten notches up the scale. Truly, he is my best medicine.

I wish that I could be as patient with life as he is...as trusting of the universe...as faithful in God' s Plan. He is my greatest blessing.