1 year!

I just realized that it's been a year since I started this blog! Wow, time flies! In retrospect, I will re-post one of my favorite posts to date:

another piece of me

I finally decided to sit down and write my thoughts in the hope that in the process, I find an “aha” moment for myself. At times, we realize and understand things when we least expect to. We’ll see how well I do.

Growing up, I’ve always been taught that education is vital for a successful future. The way one performs in school is a gauge of how far in life one is to go. So unquestionably, I was always expected to excel. I think after a while, the pressure and the high expectations became self-inflicted rather than parent-generated.

I graduated from UP with the ideal that one day, I would like to give back to the country and the youth what my professors have unselfishly given to me. I started teaching at a university in my hometown and I loved it. Not only did I find an occupation, I found a vocation. That became my vision, to continually pursue academic excellence and leadership not only in myself, but also in my students, my peers and colleagues, and those that I serve. Idealistic? Perhaps, but passionate.

After eight months, I was given an opportunity to further my industry experience abroad. I qualified for an externship with one of the most successful companies in my field. I decided that I needed the experience so that my teaching will not only be theoretical, but practical as well. Off to the US I went. After my very fruitful stay, another opportunity for growth came my way. I was accepted on a scholarship to take my Masters at an American university. Again, I decided that further studies will not only enrich me as a person, but also equip me with the necessary knowledge that I needed to be an effective educator in the future. So here I am now, done with my program and pursuing a PhD. It’s a beginning for the torrents of questions that I have yet to find the answers for.

The dilemma lies in deciding whether I want to go back to the Philippines to live out my vision or not. With the political situation so clearly in disarray, I fear that the future is not getting any better. Am I being selfish in wanting to stay here to secure a good future for the family I will have someday? What about the youth that are back home, don’t they deserve access to the knowledge that I have gained from my experiences here? What becomes of the hopeful dream of giving back to the country what others before me have given to me? Surely, they must have sacrificed a lot of opportunities so that they may impart to the youth the gift of superb education. Am I willing to do the same? Is there a future for me back home?

That is, is there a BRIGHT future for me back home? Some people criticize youth who decide to leave the Philippines in the hopes of finding better opportunities in other countries (case in point: Elmer Reyes Jacinto). But I think that some of these people don’t realize what a difficult decision it is for some of us to do so. It’s not for the lack of desire to help the Philippines. Certainly, it’s not for the lack of love for the country. Rather, it’s the lack of opportunity. It’s the lack of encouragement from the government, from politicians, from society. It’s the need to live and let live. How do we build our futures on salaries that don’t even cover the month’s rent? How do we save for our children’s future when we can’t even start to have children because we can’t afford to? How do we give, when we have very little? How do we balance our need to survive and our desire to serve? Where do we draw the line between being patriotic and being practical? I could go on, but I think those questions are loaded enough.

So now that I’m at the end of my spiel, have I encountered an “aha” moment? Perhaps. It’s always good to have a dream, to be able to say you have a vision. The way you go about it and the route you take to get there, well, it just has to be flexible. I have come to the conclusion that somewhere, somehow, someday, we all live out our visions and dreams. I can still teach. I can still serve. We were all destined to succeed. It’s just that it may not be exactly the way we pictured it. But when we trust that God and the universe only has the best intentions, we can live our vision right here, right now, just as we are, and in our own special way. Aha…